There’s probably not going to be much golf in this dispatch but I loved the happy, smiley picture of Tommy Fleetwood, so thought I’d better start with him.  This was taken, by Getty Images, as Fleetwood was preparing for the Nedbank Golf Challenge at Gary Player Country Club in Sun City, South Africa, hoping to win the title for the third time in a row.  He started with a round of 71, five behind Nicolai Hojgaard, Max Homa, Vincent Norrman and Dan Bradbury.

Last Monday night I went to the football, to watch Spurs v Chelsea, only my second visit of the season.  My Chelsea-supporting mate was at a low ebb, depressed by his team’s inability to score and his prediction was 4-1 to Spurs.  Well, he got the score right but it was his lot wot won it.  It was  beyond bonkers.

It was all go from the start, with us scoring in the 5th or 6th minute – at my end no less – and then going 2-nil up, or so we thought.  The dreaded VAR (video assistant referee) kicked in and ruled that it was offside – by a fraction from the look of it.  From then on it was total mayhem, with more goals disallowed, two for Chelsea, handball and offside; a red card issued (Romero of course); penalty given and scored, though our goalie got his hands to it; and a general air of chaos and no love lost; two of our best players went off injured but there was still hope.  Cool heads were in short supply and the Chelsea numpties surely couldn’t keep a full complement on the field….

Very Annoying Reviews – give us a clue what’s going on, please…

As it turned out, it was another Spurs numpty (Auld Scots for idiot, eejit) who was sent off, so we were down to nine men and they still had eleven.  The Spurs nine performed heroically but eventually even Chelsea worked out how to make the advantage count and scored a second just as I was leaving.  They’ve brought the last train forward by half an hour, so with all the added minutes I couldn’t afford to hang about any longer.

I hate leaving early – it’ll have to be the coach for these late games from now on – and as I was going down the stairs to the exit there was an almighty roar.  No!  We couldn’t have equalised, could we?  Well, turns out we had, a cracker from an unlikely source (Eric Dier) but VAR ruled it offside.  We had a couple of other chances too but Chelsea cracked it in the end.

Note all the photographers lining up behind the Spurs goal with the increasingly jubilant Chelsea fans behind them…

A friend who was watching at home (not from behind the sofa, not a Spurs supporter) confirmed that there were more than twenty additional minutes  in all and most of the offside decisions were tight, so that didn’t help.  She praised our fighting spirit and the team got a standing ovation at the end!  After losing 4-1 to one of our deadliest rivals!

Even leaving early I got my money’s worth and it was hugely enjoyable in a macabre sort of way but who knows what sort of toll it’ll take.

At singing on Thursday we got told off for neglecting our homework and we’ll have to work harder if we want a standing ovation at our concert next year.  Edelweiss and Can’t Help Falling In Love are particularly tricky and a quick run through just before leaving for the session (so I could say I’d done some homework) won’t be enough.  Oops.  Is breaking the habits of a lifetime all in the mind?  Or is it physical?  Like putting the bum on the seat whenever it’s time to write?

As a NIP (nothing in particular), which is a step or two up from a SATBAM (stand at the back and mimer), I’m with the men and the tenor ladies, on the end, almost in the car park, where there’s a digger that’s more tuneful than I am.  Even so, our rendition of Can’t Help Falling In Love, with its confusion of notes, gave me goosebumps.  There’s hope for us yet.

Are they all in the right order…?

Noel Fitzpatrick, aka the Supervet, was in evangelical form in Wrexham last week and his mission is to encourage us all to bring more love into the world, the unconditional kind that comes so naturally to other animals.  Mainly dogs and cats I think he means.  Anyway, it’s a big job but it’s surely worth the effort, even if we fail.

Noel’s view of the universe.

Mo was talking about the joys of winter golf last week and I came across this perfect illustration.  What better way to end.  Note the wee bags.