
You know, just for once, I thought I ‘d start with a bit of golf. There was a picture that caught my eye, not least because it showed that even serial winners and serious men in jackets and ties are human too. And it was an object lesson to all those involved in designing trophies: whatever you do make sure the bits all hold together.
Steven Alker, a New Zealander who is having his golfing year of years on the PGA Tour Champions (I think that’s its current title), won the Dominion Energy Charity Classic, his fourth victory of the season, at the Country Club of Virginia and probably relaxed and lost his concentration as he took possession of the trophy – only to see it fall apart! The picture says it all.

Every winner’s worst nightmare. Imagine if it was the Solheim Cup, say, a masterpiece in Waterford Crystal. [twitter]
He’d needed birdies at the 15th, 16th and 17th to put clear green fairway between himself and the rest and admitted: “It was kind of a dogfight down there at the end. I was trying not to look at the leaderboard because there’s so many guys just trying to win this golf tournament.”
Alker’s late flourish saw him finish one shot ahead of K.J. Choi and two ahead of Padraig Harrington, Jerry Kelly and Doug Barron. Ernie Els and Brian Gay were a shot further behind. A little further down came Rocco Mediate, Brett Quigley, Rod Pampling, Jim Furyk, Stephen Ames, Bernhard Langer and Paul Broadhurt, to mention just a few blasts from the past. I just love it that they are still swinging, still trying to figure the old game out, battling away with their peers.
Earlier, at the Mallorca Golf Open in Palma, Yannik Paul had no such wobbles as he celebrated his first win on the DP World Tour (oh dear, that still sticks in the craw; what will I do when my beloved Totspurs sell their soul along with the naming rights to the stadium?). Anyway, well done to Yannik, a 28-year old German who birdied the last to win. Sehr gut. Except for a gutted Marcus Armitage, who was leading with three holes to play but dropped four shots in a nightmarish finish. He had rounds of 63, 73, 63, 73. Aaagh.
Yannik has a twin brother Jeremy who is also a tournmant pro but I suppose it’s too much to hope that they and the Danish Hojgaard twins, Rasmus and Nicolai, could be on a Ryder Cup team together.

Yannik and trophy in good order. [Getty Images]
I was also cream-crackered.
And realised why it’s a rare achievement, even for the very best.
It’s mentally and physically exhausting.
It was wet, I used borrowed clubs and at the dinner afterwards made my winning speech in Spanish (it was always a good bit better than my German), much to astonishment of the assembled multitude. Admittedly, after they’d twigged what I was attempting, all I needed to do was shut up, hoist the well-constructed trophy on high and accept the acclaim…

The treasured trophy (right). It’s only valuable to me – a jeweller friend had a look at it and couldn’t figure out what it was made of….
The plaque reads: Consejeria De Cultura Educacion Y Deporte, I Trofeo Internacional De Golf Para Periodistas, Abril 1990, so it was a long time ago but it was an international event and the periodistas (journalists) came from far and wide…Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Viva Espana.
I wasn’t going to mention LIV golf ever again – because I’m lucky enough not to have to – but I thought I’d better have a look at what’s going on at Doral where they’re having some sort of team comp for lots of dosh. The added bonus is that Donald Trump, the former and would-be-future leader of the western world, is there – the place is now called Trump National Doral – playing in the pro-am and promoting Trump Turnberry’s claims to a return to the Open rota.
The course was revived and reinvented by architect Martin Ebert to general acclaim and Trump said, “We did a big surgery on Turnberry and it has gotten great reviews, even from people who hate me. It is rated the No 1 course in Europe now.”
When Iain Carter, the BBC’s estimable golf correspondent, told me he was going to this thing at Doral, I asked him, “Why?” He said, “Because it’s newsworthy.”
And, much though it pains me to admit, I suppose that’s hard to argue with, especially when you’ve got the not-so-estimable Donald in the mix.
There are two memories that come to mind from back in the day when I covered golf tournaments and Doral, a posh resort in Miami, with its feared Blue Monster course, was one of the highlights of the PGA Tour’s schedule. I had one of my best – and most expensive – pedicures there (not, I hasten to say, on expenses) and heard one of my all-time favourite gallery comments.
Two blue rinse Floridians, well beyond the first flush but immaculately turned out and still game, were surveying the 18th and the golfers striding up the fairway and one said to her friend: “I’ve always liked Greg Norman [then one of the best players in the world; now LIV’s chief spokesman]. He’s got such a great pair of buns.”
On that note….we’ll go to something a little loftier.

The partial eclipse, taken from the 9th tee at WHGC on Tuesday morning by Pamela Saunders.
What is it about older American women? When I gave a talk about Irish golf to the Irish-American Institute in Fort Worth, Texas twenty years ago, I included slides for illustration purposes. The second last slide was a famous pic of Greg Norman at Doonbeg surveying a wild and unkempt valley beside the ocean when he was staking out the original routing (still intact, by the way) while casually kitted out wearing a rumpled white t-shirt, shabby denim trousers and high, riding boots. With hands on hips and holding a red flag in each he surveyed a possible green site. However, what excites me about that photograph is the wild and boisterous Atlantic Ocean churning in the background. Then, I showed my last slide – a photo of the seven-foot tall, Bill Clinton Statue in Ballybunion. I paused and said nothing; hoping for a reaction? After a stunned, momentary, silence a female voice was heard to growl: Take down that slide and put back Greg Norman’s ass! This morning I read in Patricia Madill’s blog that two, blue rinse, female Floridians, well beyond the first flush of youth but immaculately turned out and obviously still game, were surveying the LIV golfers striding the fairways at Doral when one said to her friend: “I’ve always liked Greg Norman. He’s got such a great pair of buns.” On that jarring note…. I think I’ll quit writing about LIV until it is granted OWGR points. (If any of you have not played at Doonbeg – you should – it stands shoulder to shoulder with any of the other great Irish links. Forget who owns it and do not cut off your nose to spite your face).
Patricia: I didn’t know that you speak Spanish. Fortunately, I only know two words: cervasis frio.
Great story Ivan, my blue rinses were not watching LIV but Greg in his prime at Doral. Can’t Doonbeg wait until yer man has left?!!
Muchas gracias Bob, I’m sure they’ll get your meaning, if not your spelling! xo