You know how it is:  you look in the wardrobe and realise that you haven’t got a thing to wear.  So far, so normal.  A few years ago I read an article about a woman – a stylish Frenchwoman who lived in California – who had downsized her wardrobe to such a degree that the number of items in it scarcely reached double figures.  A sceptical fashion journalist was dispatched to interview this odd bod, fully expecting to be appalled at what she saw and was instead wowed by one of the smartest, most elegant women she’d ever met.

I longed to emulate that woman – no harm in dreaming – and did manage to reduce the number of clothes clogging up my far-from-elegant wardrobe.  That’s as far as it went, however and I fell by the wayside, lacking in key areas such as elegance, imagination and Frenchness.  I did my best to add a bit of colour and a modicum of what a generous soul might call style but recently my wearable world came crashing down, ripped asunder, left in tatters, with me sobbing in front of shelves stocked with the unacceptable.

Plastic may not be fantastic but I know vegans who won’t wear wool…

Imagine the shock when you’re told that the things that you do have to wear are veritable abominations that are killing the planet, that every time you put them in the washing machine and switch it on, you are poisoning the oceans.  So much for the highfaluting notions of a self-styled eco warrior.  The argument that I should be doing all my washing by hand is for another day; after all, having dispensed with an iron and an ironing board, I’m not wasting energy at that end of the operation.  That’s part of the problem, of course, because a lot of those easy-care, drip-dry, non-iron, oh-happy-day, non-crease items are the killers.

And my wardrobe, such as it is, is full of them.

Acrylic, nylon and polyester abound in the form of skorts, stretchy golf shirts and tops, not to mention fleeces and the like.  All easy to pack, easy to wash, quick to dry – and lethal.  Aaaaaagh.

My line of shame. To wear or not to wear? To wash or not to wash? What’s a girl to do?

According to my WoolOvers catalogue and I quote verbatim:  “Every time you wash a garment, tiny microfibres are released into the water supply, less than 5mm long.  More than 4,500 fibres can be released per gram of clothing you wash.*  [*Plastic Soup Foundation, ocean conservation project co-funded by the European Union.]”

It continues, remorselessly:  “Polyester, nylon and acrylic are made from plastic.  Their microfibres do not biodegrade for many years.  Recent studies have shown that plastic microfibres have now been found in Arctic ice, Arctic snowfall and on the sea floor.  This suggests that plastic microfibres are airborne.  We are not only eating and drinking plastic, we are breathing it too.”  Aaaaaagh ad infinitum.

You can find out more at and  I confess I haven’t studied either of them yet –  respectively, too pissed off with moths munching holes in my cashmere and too scared.  I did have a quick look for whatsinmywash etc, using all lower case letters and was told no such website could be found.  A casualty of the times perhaps or no longer available in the UK because of that EU funding?  Neither, as it turned out.  It just insists on capital  letters in the right place.  Pernickety or what?  In this day and age?  iau.  (I Ask You).  Or should that be wtf or lol?

Whatever.  You’ll be glad to know that Woolovers, hardly surprisingly, are fans of natural fibres like wool, cotton, linen and cashmere, which are biodegradable:  “They do not contribute to plastic pollution.  Yarns such as viscose and modal are made from the pulp of beech trees or bamboo, these also biodegrade…”

So there are things out there that we can wear with a clear conscience but what the hell are we to do with the old stuff other than wear it until it’s so rank that it walks away into the sunset of its own accord…..?

Thomas’s Trek [Getty Images]

Talking of walking, Thomas Bjorn, the latest in Europe’s long line of winning Ryder Cup captains, is hot-footing it from Surrey to Wales this week.  The Dane set off from Wentworth yesterday, carrying the Ryder Cup and aims to arrive at Celtic Manor in time for the last round of The Celtic Classic this Sunday.  Then, blisters permitting, he’ll play in the ISPS Handa Wales Open next week.

Bjorn was inspired by Captain (now Sir) Tom Moore and is hoping to raise lots of money for Unicef UK’s Save Generation Covid appeal and for the Golf Foundation as part of the European Tour’s GolfforGood initiative.  Donations for the Wentworth2Wales walk can be made at  Hashtags will come in useful too but my computer and I are getting old together and couldn’t summon up the hashtag symbol between us…..It’s probably not too late to have lessons….Good luck Thomas and safe tramping.

A mention of Wales is all that’s needed to show off this marvellous dragon, part of a village’s annual scarecrow comp [pic by Mo]

At least it was cool enough to play golf at WHGC yesterday – I cancelled Wednesday’s 1330 tee time for fear of heatstroke – and Mo had a good look at our latest array of diggers and assorted construction paraphernalia.  Far be it from me and Judy Two Shots to say who won the match against Mo and the redoubtable Sue M….No doubt they’ll be after a re-match when the pain subsides…

Ready for the off [pic by Jordan]

Finally, Mo and I were shocked and saddened to hear that Gordon J Brand had died, aged 65.  Our condolences and best wishes to his wife Lyn and the family.

RIP Gordon [photo courtesy of the European Tour]